Legal Theft Project Flash Fiction: The Commonality of Literature and Pie (429 words)

Laryngitis was not a pretty word; it did not belong in a romance novel. On top of the host of literary crimes she had already found – misused semicolons and disrespect for dialogue tags – this was the nail in the coffin and Sadie threw the book across the room.

It hit the wall, binding first, with a solid thock, which had a much more satisfying sound than ‘laryngitis’. When it fell, it landed with one cover bent underneath it, like a broken wing. Leaving it on the floor, Sadie walked down the hall to the kitchen.

Dana was standing at the stove, waiting for the tea kettle to start whistling.

“Are you shooting things?” she asked Sadie.

Sadie shook her head. “Reading.”

“Ah.” Dana turned back to the stove. She took the tea out of the cupboard and a mug out of the one next to it. “You know, for someone who loves books, you take a strange amount of vicious glee in destroying them.”

Sadie pulled a soda from the fridge. Popping the top, she took a quick sip to keep it from overflowing. “You like pie, right?”

Dana glanced back at her in surprise. “Yes,” she said slowly.

“And have you ever pied someone in the face?”

Dana laughed to herself. “Yes.”

“So, let’s say your mom drops off a beautiful mint chiffon pie with a chocolate cookie crumb crust and it’s just sitting here on the counter,” Sadie said. “What are you going to do with it?”

“Eat it,” Dana said.

“Savor it. Relish it,” Sadie corrected. “And scrape the plate clean. Now what if there was an apple pie, half-price from the day-old bakery section at the back of the grocery store sitting here instead?”

“I would pie you in the face,” Dana said.

Sadie paused, halfway to taking another sip. She blinked at Dana. “Probably with vicious glee,” she murmured. She raised her can to toast her roommate, then took her drink.

“Some books are meant to be savored,” Sadie said on her way back down the hall. “Some books are meant to be shredded for the joy of flying paper. It’s easy to tell the difference. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go replace all the names with Romeo and Juliet characters and mail it to my sister.”

Dana leaned over to catch her walking away. “Replace the names?”

“Yeah.” Sadie turned back while she walked. “White out the names that are there, write in new ones. I think I’ll let Mercutio get the girl. Only fair, since he usually ends up dead.”

We’re at it again. My friend, Bek, legally thieved the opening line of this piece for yesterday’s post on her blog. Check out her blog today to see what I thieved from her.


3 thoughts on “Legal Theft Project Flash Fiction: The Commonality of Literature and Pie (429 words)

  1. I love this. And even moreso because I can imagine it being a representation of a real conversation/ diatribe you participated in. And I’m not gonna lie… I kind of wish I could expect a book in the mail covered in white out where Mercutio gets the girl :)

  2. Pingback: Fiction: Legal Theft Project — The No Voice Love Story | Building A Door

  3. Pingback: January 4 2013 – The Round Gwen Allowed Herself a Semicolon – Legal Theft Project

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