Gwendoogle Part LVII – I Swear by Jericho, My Heart Demands Pickles


Answers served with exactly one GIF, and no, you don’t get to choose your own

Kate Kearney searched: Why were tie wraps invented?
Tie wraps (also known as cable ties, hose ties, zip ties, zap-straps, or – my favorite – plastic zippy thingies) were invented by Maurus C. Logan.

In the 1950s, Maurus visited a Boeing aircraft manufacturing facility and observed the daunting task of organizing an aircraft’s wiring systems. It involved lots and lots of wire, and lots of lots of nylon cords to tie them together in the tightest knots operators could manage. They were, in fact, tying them together so tightly that they often cut their fingers on the cord, developing calluses and what they called “hamburger hands.” Maurus was sure there was a better – less painful – way to bundle the wires together with the necessary stricture.

Two years later, he submitted a patent for the Ty-Wrap cable tie, whose chief virtue was the fact that you could yank one end and pull it tighter than an angry boa constrictor.

MsMacAttack searched: When did the heart become the human seat of emotion?
Over the entire extent of history and culture, almost every organ in the body has been claimed as the basis of our emotions. According to Jewish tradition, our emotions were based in the stomach. According to the Ancient Greeks, our entire abdomen was to blame. According to Chinese tradition anger comes from the liver, joy from the heart, worry from the spleen, sadness from the lungs, and fear from the kidneys.

Our modern belief that the heart is responsible, is likely borrowed from the Ancient Egyptians. They noted that the heart was connected to the rest of the body, delivering blood to all the other parts, and believed that it also moved anything that needed moving: air, tears, nourishment, waste, and thought. Likewise, they noticed that the heartbeat shifted, speeding up or slowing down if you were happy, sad, angry, sleepy, or sick. They believed that the heart was not only the seat of emotion, but also reason, memory, soul, and personality.

If the Ancient Egyptians were listening in today, and heard about our head vs. heart conflicts, I think they’d be very intrigued at where we have split functionality between the two. Of course, with that terminology, they’d hear it as a battle between the entire soul and the nose’s chief mucus provider.

Kate Kearney searched: Balloons balloons balloons balloons?
Image result:
 photo RussellhasalltheballoonsHI_zps12464c06.gif

My answer will always be yes, but maybe you shouldn’t offer them to me…

Kathryn searched: Why swear by Jericho?
Did you mean: Why do my in-depth, university-trained, scarily-powerful, and ninja-accurate internet searches not return any instance of swearing by the city, walls, people, or puppies of Jericho?

Here are my best guesses:

1) The internet hates me.

2) Very few people use this swear. They made it up at three in the morning, and only the half dozen people who participated in the conversation know the answer to this paragon of mysteries.

3) The swearer intends to break their vow, and therefore chooses a city famous for its destruction to swear by.

4) Jericho operates as a stand in for something else, the way Jiminy Cricket stands in for Jesus Christ, or goodness and gosh for god.

5) Jericho is also reputed to be the oldest city in the world to be continuously inhabited, so perhaps it stands for constance and strength.

Kate Kearney searched: Did you know that chocolate dragons are delicious?
I have feasted on chocolate rabbits, chocolate frogs, and chocolate Santas, but never have I had the opportunity to try chocolate dragon.

Do I have to go on a quest first? Or find a fudge knight with a brownie steed and convince him that the mocha princess is in danger in the choco lair in the realm of Cocoa?

DJ Matticus searched: What happened to the 100th bottle?
I ate it.

Or I broke it.

Or Puck absconded with it last midnight under the light of a new bronze moon, while wearing a Cloak of Mischief and a Ring of Infinite Doors. We’re having a doozy of a time trying to get it back.

I’m having a hard time deciding which excuse to use this time around.

Kate Kearney searched: How many pickles in a jar?
On average, twenty-seven, unless they are pickled pickles, in which case you can fit sixty-three.

DJ Matticus searched: Why are children’s books creepy?
Because they undertake the daunting task of informing young, inexperienced, innocent, naive, freshly-minted human beings that the world they have been born into an imperfect world, which has always been imperfect, and will always be imperfect. So, they exaggerate the witches and the dragons and the things under the bed, hoping to be stark enough, concrete enough to show them something they have never seen before.

Kate Kearney: How many clowns in a car?
The number of clowns allowed in a car is inversely proportionate to the number of hours you intend to spend in the car.

On a trip of six hours or more, one clown is allowed. The type of clown who would appreciate a marathon journey such as that, will also be intense, rugged, and tireless. One will be more than enough to keep spirits high across the breadth of the mobile entrapment. More than one, would be like being stuck inside a metal box with a full Irish Rock Band.

On a trip of four hours or less, two clowns are permissible. They will compete with each other, but are not likely to comically bludgeon each other over the head with the water bottles before you can give them the authoritative glare that will reset them to level one smirks.

On a trip of two hours or less, you may bring three clowns. This is just the sort of trip that is too long to be called short, and too short to be called long. They will keep things bright and happy, but not have time to settle into full swing insanity.

On a trip of an hour or less, you may bring three and a half clowns. It is up to you to negotiate exactly how you will bring along half a clown, without cutting anyone in two.

On a trip of half an hour or less, you may bring four clowns. Bless your heart. You will be telling stories of this drive for the rest of your life.

On a trip of five minutes or less, you may bring no clowns. None at all. Five minutes is exactly the sort of unsteady time period that makes clowns do dangerous things.

Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in comments below and I’ll be back next week to answer it.

The question bucket currently has: 11 questions


2 thoughts on “Gwendoogle Part LVII – I Swear by Jericho, My Heart Demands Pickles

  1. Does scotch tape have anything to do with the drink?
    Are there any plans for changes to the US flag if any of our territories decide to officially become states? Or, CA splits into seven states? Or Texas succeeds?
    Invisibility spell, cloak, or natural skin state?

  2. Further research has led to one mention of the exclamation (or swear?) “by Jericho” outside of the song to which I was listening (a rendition of the song “Joshua Fought the Battle of Jericho” by the Swingle Singers), that being in the Libertine play Friendship in Fashion, where the character Sneak seems to be very fond of it. But I feel like I’ve run across it elsewhere. Google is proving otherwise fruitless to me too however. It seems to be infrequently used, but I like your guesses.

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