Answers served with a low level of cognizance due to unexpectedly watching a sunrise this morning
Kate Kearney searched: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever brought on an airplane?
But once, I brought a yellow rose that a Greek bartender, who laughed at my too-old, too-formal, too-strange accent on his language, bought off a street seller at one in the morning and gave to me. I hung it upside down off my bag as I wandered around Crete for another week, then packed it carefully in my suitcase and hoped it survived the fourteen hour flight home.
And once I brought a just-too-large stuffed animal, which didn’t fit in any bag I’d brought along. I flew home with it hanging half out of my shoulder bag, a round-faced baby cheetah, adorably begging the world not to believe that I was an adult.
Bekah Beth searched: Why do I suddenly feel the need to ask you five hundred questions?
Because nobody has left me five hundred questions yet, and you are just the sort of person to like that sort of mad, systematic, list-maker sort of challenge.
Bring it on.
DJ Matticus searched: What’s a day in prison like?
As far as I have heard: long, with most of the hours spent in one closed room, but not quite long enough for you to finish thinking about how you ended up there.
Kate Kearney searched: What house plants flourish in low light?
- Snake Plant (which looks more like grass on steroids, than any snake)
- Cast Iron Plant (which seems to be able to take just about any poor conditions you throw at it)
- the heart-leafed Philodendrons (which caught my attention because their name essentially means “tree-hugger”)
- Chinese Evergreen (which has fun two-tone leaves)
- Peace Lily (but it won’t flower unless you give it bright, indirect light, which some people might think makes keeping it in the dark silly)
- Peperomia (which would prefer bright light, but it will tolerate your caving tendencies)
- Parlor Palm (which will not turn up its nose at other, less pretentious rooms, I promise)
Bekah Beth searched: Do you miss me terribly?
I’m searching for a more emphatic word than “yes,” but the English language doesn’t seem to have a suitable term. I’m thinking of making up one of my own. How do you feel about “rumpumple”?
DJ Matticus searched: How many successful prison breaks are there every year?
The past twenty-five years has shown a per annum high of 2,660 escapees in the United States, and a low of 660. Those numbers include escapees from minimum, medium, and maximum security prisons.
Success, however, appears few and far between, with a majority of escapees re-apprehended within six months. After the first six months, the recovery statistics drop dramatically.
Moral of the story? If you’re going to plan an escape, make sure it’s a six month plan.
Kate Kearney searched: Why do I want to write an essay on Mulan?
I suspect, for one of the only two reasons that anyone wants to write an essay:
1) Because there is a teacher involved – a teacher with the power to award grades and destroy GPAs – and you dearly want that teacher to bestow a grade on you, preferably one of the four that you can’t get by just handing in a blank sheet of paper.
You want to write an essay the same way that a kid wants to climb the shelves to reach the cookie jar.
2) Because you saw something interesting, looked around and realized that you’re not sure everyone else did. You’re not sure you even saw the entirety of the thing. Maybe just the outline of it. Maybe just the shadow of it. You’d like to look at it again, and tell someone else, to see if they saw what you saw.
You want to write an essay the same way a hiker wants to drag their best friend back out into the woods because she’s pretty sure she saw Big Foot.
Bekah Beth searched: What am I going to do about my Marvel Cinematic Universe obsession?
Continue watching and laughing and falling in love, until Joss Whedon does what he always does and destroys your soul at the finale.
DJ Matticus searched: How many innocent people were sent to jail and then released later when new evidence was uncovered?
After a while of poking around the internet, the only definitive answer I can give is “too many” to the first half of the question, and “not enough” to the second.
Kate Kearney searched: Is time an enemy?
“Time is the longest distance between two places.” – Tennessee Williams
Perhaps it is less enemy, and more battlefield, and we are often poor strategist.
I think he prefers the term “handsome”, “manly”, or possibly “strapping.”
Kate Kearney searched: What is in your imaginary tool kit?
A hammer, a screw driver, a ball-peen hammer, wire cutters, a claw hammer, a wrench, a bush hammer, a mallet, a framing hammer, pliers, a cross-peen hammer, and a sledge hammer. Can you guess my favorite problem solving skill?
I also have a dozen fruit pies, which have many uses (though they mainly act as all-purpose friendship glue and enemy repellant). And a jukebox which is supposed to read my mind, but only catches every fourth word. And bar of good chocolate.
Bekah Beth searched: When was the last time you watched SNL?
When Justin Timberlake hosted last season. Which I don’t remember much of. I think that goes for most of that season, except that one episode, which I have memorized.
Kate Kearney searched: What does this gif do?
It unleashes the Kitteh Defenders of Sheethaven Barrows. [sighs] Why did you unleash the Kitteh Defenders of Sheethaven Barrows?
Bekah Beth searched: Have I asked enough questions yet?
As a person who runs a blog called Apprentice Never Master, aimed toward the understanding that we are perpetual students, I can’t say anything other than, no. There is no such thing as enough questions under this tremendous sky.
DJ Matticus searched (continuing the story of the Heroic Barbeque Turned Glam Rock Audition): But think of the proceeds they could raise with ticket sales! and all the good that could be done with that money… Okay, now spandex isn’t making me squirm that much. When’s the first concert?
Right after they finish this keg, it looks like… [looks nervous]
Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in comments below and I’ll be back next week to answer it.
The question bucket currently has: 25 questions