Gwendoogle Part LXXV – Double the Trouble


Gwendoogle party

Answers served with double the trouble, because it’s Apprentice Never Master’s second birthday, and the party doesn’t stop until I say

Bekah Beth searched: Can you be both a ghost and a zombie?
Answer 1:
Depending on the mythology, it’s possible. And simultaneously frightening and amusing.

Assuming that zombies are purely a physical continuance of the human existence, and ghosts are purely the loosened spirit once it’s been untethered from the flesh, your zombie could crawl out of the grave and start drooling over your neighbor’s cranium while your ghost sighed in disappointment.

Answer 2:
But are they both you? Did the zombie and the ghost somehow split what made you you, do they share it, does one own your essence exclusively, or did your ghost lose your personality when it lost your physical body and your zombie lost it when it forgot to use your brain?

And isn’t the more important question: how much time would your ghost spend running around after your zombie, trying to keep it from embarrassing you by eating squirrel brains?

Flip the Otter searched: What are three things you would want to put into a spreadsheet?
Answer 1:
I use spreadsheets very badly, which is to say, in manners in which they’re not actually meant to be used. As of right now, the three that I use most often are:

Age Ranks

A timeline marked with the ages of significant characters in the novel I am working on


A list of all the questions that have been answered on Gwendoogle, who asked them, and when the answers were given


And this rather egregious monster, where I keep track of the filmographies of my favorite actors to make sure that I stay on track for my life goal of watching every movie they ever make. Because I’m obsessive.

None of these take advantage of what a spreadsheet is, but they work just fine.

Answer 2:
I would like to put shoes, books, and kittens into spreadsheets. It seems like a neat, easily-accessible place to store them.

Kate Kearney searched: What would you use portals to other dimensions to accomplish?
Answer 1:
Based on my extensive knowledge of Stargate: Atlantis, and my extremely limited knowledge of quantum physics, I would use it to create a power source capable of fueling instantaneous interstellar travel. Then I would sell it to someone with lots of money, and work on completing my exploration of this planet.

Once I’ve adjusted to the weird and strange here, and once someone else has built outposts in other regions of the galaxy, I’ll risk somewhere else.

Answer 2:
I would wander between dimensions, gathering as many different alternate versions of myself as I could find. Once I had them in one room, I would either sit them all down for a series of psychology surveys for the heck of it, go out for dinner, or assemble them into a team for world domination.

Bekah Beth searched: What was your best regular day of the last year?
Answer 1:
It’s hard to say, but my little sister’s sweet sixteen is a top contender. We had a pleasant day around the house, watched some of her favorite television episodes, had a nice dinner, and stayed up late watching the season premier of our favorite television show. It was quiet, happy, and full. Which, as far as Tuesdays go, is as much as we could have asked for.

Answer 2:
Any number of the days I spent with friends could be mentioned. And thankfully, I have visited them frequently in the last year.

The first one that comes to mind is a surprise visit from the Truculent Wonder which turned into a trip to the movies, and a pancake dinner after we picked up The Kid, where we laughed too loud, and amused our waiter a great deal.

But there was also the recent day at the beach.

And the recent day spent marathoning a television show, when we watched eleven episodes in a row.

And the less recent late, late night “for science.”

And the day I helped another friend move out of her apartment.

And the surprise trip to Boston for Holloween.

And any number of others. My friends are very good to me.

Bekah Beth searched: Worst regular day of the last year?
Answer 1:
 photo JensendefeatstheFEELSATTACK_zps03d76ba2.gif

Answer 2:
 photo SamSamsaysthisisnotanoption_zpsfa06b22e.gif

(I have had some spectacularly bad days this year, and it seems neither side of my brain is interested in putting them in a head-to-head competition for the title of WORST. Or in thinking about them much at all. So sorry.)

Flip the Otter searched: What are two unusual methods of lighting?
Answer 1:
1) One hundred cellphones glued to the walls and a small child hired to run around and push buttons to keep them all lit.

2) One thousand lightning bugs.

Answer 2:
1) Walls replaced by high-pressure water tanks which are populated with deep-sea fish.

2) Souls hung on silk strings.

Kate Kearney searched: Why does everything happen at the same time?
Answer 1:
I am wont to believe, that the answer is momentum. Once the universe gets its lazy butt out of bed and accomplishes one thing, it decides it might as well keep rolling and get those other eight things done as well.

Answer 2:
Because the three Fates keep forgetting to check the company calendar, and thus get in each others’ way a lot.

Bekah Beth searched: What color post-it notes should I use?
Answer 1:

Answer 2:

(Good luck, figuring out what to do now.)

Flip the Otter searched: Platypus?
Answer 1:
It is an Australian duck-mole, named from the Ancient Greek platypous (“flat-footed”). Platypus was originally it’s scientific name as well, but then they discovered they’d already given the name to a genus of beetles, and had to switch it to Ornithorhynchus, which means “birdie-beak.”

Answer 2:

Bekah Beth searched: Why do I love my adorable idiot?
Answer 1:
Because she or he has mastered the deadly combination of being worthy of your adoration half the time, and requiring of your attention to make sure he or she doesn’t do something horribly stupid the other half. Of all the cyclical systems that I have seen, this seems to be the best for keeping a person’s attention.

Answer 2:
The following message was left after this question, one day when I wandered away from my computer in the midst of writing this blog post. As an answer, I assume that it speaks for itself:

NEEKERS WAS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in comments below and I’ll be back next week to answer it.

The question bucket currently has: 5 questions


5 thoughts on “Gwendoogle Part LXXV – Double the Trouble

  1. What will you do after you have watched all the movies by your favorite actors?
    If you kept kittens in a spreadsheet, how would you organize them? A pivot table based on color, size, fluffiness?

  2. Who has stolen all of the water? What is the name of your new super hero team? Lots of space, or just the right amount of space? Favorite mode of transport? What do people keep in their purses? Do you have an opinion on kilts? Why are personality quizzes so fun? How can I cool down? What are three obscure vacation spots? Where did the urgency go? What does a phoenix weigh? Can you catch that raccoon? Why is my cat suspicious of ceiling fans? Who are you today? Are they after me? Did you get my message? Do you have the code? When will I receive my next assignment? What are all those people doing? What have you got in your pockets?

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