Gwendoogle Part LXXX – Can’t Draw But I Own Hats

GwendoogleAnswers served with a tone. You know what I mean.

Gennifer H. searched: If you could talk to one species of animal, which would it be?
The Canadian Goose. I would like to see if it were possible to come to an understanding about the etiquette of war. I see no problem with their terrifying display of wing and noise when they are chasing grown men across open fields when grown men dare to drive them away with the less impressive display of arm and noise.

However, I would like to propose the cessation of hostilities against three-year-olds with bags of bread crumbs, particularly the ones who are attempting to gift their esteemed flocks with the bread crumbs. It seems unnecessary to bite them, and studies have shown that those three-year-olds will remember being bitten for at least twenty-two years, and that they will talk about themselves in the third person in blog posts.

Jacknobeanstalk searched: If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
I would breed a red-tailed hawk with a house cat, because I honestly believe that I could rule the world with a dive-bombing feathered feline. Tell me I’m wrong.

Kate Kearney searched: Why did you eat my pie?
Image Result:
 photo Deanisnthappythatyoustolehispie_zps4c422ec4.gif

(We can argue about it further, if you like, but the fact that it is in my stomach makes the conclusion pretty clear.)

HermioneGreater searched: Can you draw?
Exhibit A: This picture of a dog with an improbably placed fourth leg and a fox’s tail that he likely stole from a fox, because it definitely doesn’t look like it belongs to him
IMG_6046 - Copy

Exhibit B: This picture of a mouse with the correct number of ears, eyes, and tails, but only three feet, and a slice of geometrically mundane cheese
IMG_6046 - Copy (2)

I think the safest statement we can make is that I can doodle.

Kate Kearney searched: Is there a rhyme and a reason to the universe?
There are several rhymes, including (but not limited to): purse, nurse, curse, hearse, worse, coerce, disperse, adverse, rehearse, transverse, intersperse, perverse, reimburse, biodiverse.

The studies are still inconclusive about a reason, but they hope that the plethora of rhymes will distract people well enough.

Alice N. searched: What’s your favorite pizza topping?
Bacon. Everything – eggs, pancakes, waffles, pizza, ice cream, soup, cake, bacon, cheese – is better with bacon.

bacon-dry

Kate Kearney searched: Which way does the pendulum swing?
With some study, I’m sure a specific answer can be given to this question. However, study requires effort, and I’m rather lazy since I know that an accurate (if vague) answer can be given in a moment:

Sideways. And eventually, it will always come back for you.

Alice N. searched: What’s your favorite boyband?
Hanson. Though, since they are all now married with children (which is one of the major signs that the nineties were a long, long, long flippin’ time ago), I’m not sure they qualify as “boys” anymore.

Kate Kearney searched: What are three guilty pleasures of yours?
1) HBO’S True Blood – I haven’t watched in a long time – I got tired of feeling like I was always asking the writers to clean up their toys before they pulled out new ones to play with, or at least to kill off one villain before they tried to impress us with another – but I used to. I don’t have a thought to explain to why, all I know is that once a vampire drank a fairy and got drunk like a toddler off it, and someone had to chase him down so that he wouldn’t burn to death when the sun came up.

2) CW’s Vampire Diaries – I also haven’t watched this in a long time, but I went through three seasons in two days once. Because there were a couple of real sweet people being sweet to each other, and a couple of people displaying some serious sass, and one in particular that I thought could develop into something kick butt. Then, I stopped watching because everyone was a vampire, or a vampire hunter, or a witch, or a clone of someone else. Or trying to hook up with someone who had tried to murder them and their loved ones a few episodes over. I didn’t get it.

3) N’SYNC. Just all of it. I still listen to Bye, Bye, Bye whenever I want to dance like a fool.

Sarah V. searched: How many hats do you own?
1) One plain blue baseball cap that inexplicably advertises for the jeans that I wear until they fall apart. Bought so that I could tape the Yankees logo to the front and pretend it gave me the power to be invisible for a Halloween costume.

2) One distressed definitely-not-military-regulation camouflage cap. Stolen/borrowed/gifted from a friend, with all the excellent memories attached.

3) One sombrero, slightly destroyed. Not my fault.

4) One gray and black knit hat. Likes to hide when I want it, and stick its tongue out at me two days later when I don’t anymore.

5) One winter hat with spikes like a dragon’s tail. Worn less often than would be optimal.

Kate Kearney searched: Where is the end of the rainbow?
Don’t look, but… [whispers] It’s right behind you.

Kate Kearney searched: Do you think we’ll ever find it?
I think, in this particular situation, it’s safe to say that it found us.

However, if this is the first five minutes of a film, and it kills one of us, I can guarantee that the other will find it before the end of the film. Particularly if that person chooses to devote the rest of their life to hunting down the colorful monstrosity and making it pay for its vile murderous tendencies.

Which, if it matters to fate, the universe, or whatever powers that control these sorts of thing, I would definitely do. So, for the plot, I might be a good one to keep alive. Sorry, Kate.

Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in the comments below, and I’ll be back next week to answer it.

The question bucket currently has: 21 questions

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One thought on “Gwendoogle Part LXXX – Can’t Draw But I Own Hats

  1. What would you put inside an emergency happiness kit? What are five quotes that speak to you today? What shall I do outside? How are those world domination plans coming? Is there such a thing as a ygnarfl? What is the definition of illbelliar? How many thesauri does it take to vanquish a prose block? May I have 10 gifs please? Will you write a Halloween short story? Is this spooky enough for you? What would make it spookier? How can I get my ghost to be quiet? Is there enough of a magical surplus for me to cast multiple prosperity charms? Will you recommend some uplifting or sheer awesome songs? What is something I should research? What has possessed my cat? How do I make water less boring? Any NaNoWriMo preparation tips? What should I do with this enormous pile of scrap paper? Who you gonna call? What kind of bladed weapon would you want to learn how to wield if given the chance? How does time work? Where is that sundial I misplaced? Can good stories come from bad or ridiculous ideas? What are some horrible or ridiculous ideas for a story? Will you dance in the dusk with the last of the lingering light? Is there a limit on lyrical lines of questioning? Will you let me know if I approach the limit? How far is there to fall? What if I jump? What should I do now?

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