Gwendoogle Part XC – Three Options

GwendoogleIf I had folded a paper crane for every answer given here, I would have earned one wish.

Kate Kearney searched: How do I entertain a ten year old for ten minutes?
Teach the ten-year-old to play chess. If she already knows, offer to teach her how people played “back in your day.” Then make up new rules, new names for the pieces, and do what you want. Just stay consistent. Pretend that you’re actually trying to improve on a 1500-year-old game.

When she catches on, ask her what rules she would make up.

You’ll probably spend more than ten minutes on it once the two of you get started.

Neekers searched: When did tom cats get their name?
The term “tom” was popularized as the name of a male house cat in 1760 with the publication of The Life and Adventures of a Cat. Written by Henry Fielding, it featured a promiscuous male cat named Tom. The book was very popular and “tom” took over for the previously used “ram.”

Kate Kearney searched: Chocolate or fruit?
Depends on the fruit and depends on the chocolate.

I’ll take milk chocolate over a pear, but oranges, apricots, apples or dates over milk chocolate. I’ll take dark chocolate over oranges or apples, but I’ll take peaches, mangoes, or bananas over dark chocolate. And I’ll take chocolate with mint over anything.

Except maybe dark chocolate with oranges.

Flip the Otter searched: What is a word that means the state of being happy, cheerful, and murderous in English, Russian, Icelandic, Greek, and Hindi?
I’m… not going to answer this one.

I want to. Like, I’m a little in love with the idea of this word now, even though, from the brief linguistic searches I was running, I don’t think it exists, and I want to fund a whole team of linguistics to either find or make this word up. But I’m not going to search any farther.


I have this friend and she was known at school for keeping minds out of the gutter, and away from unthinkable violence, and just generally away from uncomfortable things. We said any of those uncomfortable things were “not Amy-Safe.”

And this search is not Amy-Safe.

Kate Kearney searched: Do you like scarves?
Yes. A little too much.

I’m especially fond of the ones that are way too long, like Grandma got carried away in her soaps and made you a scarf like you were ten feet tall (which she thinks you are, by the way). I like the ones with stripes or polka dots or something that just generally says that it’s fine to be practical, but they will never be boring. I like the ones that stop just short of being neon, but only because they know they’re about to go right next to your face, and they know that’s not the most polite place to show up in neon green.

And I like the ones that are quietly blue, and incredibly soft, and have almost figured out how to give a human hug.

And I like the ones that decided to sparkle rather than dance in the wilderness of color.

But I’m not much of a fan of woven wool scarves.

Kate Kearney searched: Has your list of favorite names changed at all?
Despite the fact that I made this list almost two years ago, it hasn’t changed much. I still have an unfortunate obsession with the names Jason and William. I still love Lysandra, Melitta, and Obadiah enough to bring them up when it comes to name my kids.

I do feel a little strange knowing that Patrick Rothfuss had read a post on this blog, and that list is just sitting right there with a picture of him and a caption voting him the most likely to be mistaken for a serial killer and go along with it to be nice. But I do really love the name Patrick.

The only ones that I might change, are more names that I’ve gone cold on than names that I have immediate replacements for: Carson, Orianthe, and Willow. Were I in the mood, I might swap them out for Caleb, Oriane, and Wren. Or I might not.

Kate Kearney searched: Why do I own so many calendars?
Because time is complex, and if you have to put it into a grid, you’re darn well going to put it into a layered grid that spreads around your room and starts to behave in that messy way that time does when looked at from behind human eyes.

And because marketing. You don’t need more than one, but… oh look! This one has kitties!

Kate Kearney searched: Ponies?
I have no idea why you own so many ponies.

Flip the Otter searched: Would you rather write a ten page paper on a topic with fifteen sources or find fifteen sources on a topic and summarize all of them and give a general overview of the topic from the literature?
First of all:


 photo The boys Party Hard_zpsuy7x5zjg.gif

You have asked the 1000th question here on Gwendoogle. It’s very exciting. You have won the opportunity to torture me. You may pick one of the following three options:

1) You may give me a list of up to twenty words, which I must use in a single Flash Fiction. And when the post goes up, there is likely to be some sort of video evidence of how I felt about your list of twenty words.

2) You may give me a set of restrictions for how Gwendoogle will answer questions next Sunday. For instance: Give all answers without the letter “e” or give your answers in rhyming metered couplets or give all answers in video form with your best British accent. Anything goes. Within reason.

3) You may assign me any fandom, for which I must write a piece of “fix-fiction”. I will tell you something that I didn’t like in whatever book, television show, or movie that you pick, and then write the “fixed” version. Yes, I’m offering to write Alternate Universe Fan-Fiction. This is probably a one-time offer. Probably.

So, what will it be, Flip?

And, of course, your search results:

I would rather write the ten-page paper. It appeals to me more, as the more interesting option.

And while I can’t find the exact reason, I also have a gut feeling that it would be the easier of the two to fake my way through, if it came to that.

And I do actually like the sound of my own voice. A little. I think all writers have to. Even if they feel bad as soon as they admit that that’s true.

Kate Kearney searched: What should I do now?
The way I see it, you have three options:

1) Leave me more questions in the hopes of being the person who leaves the 1500th question, who gets another opportunity to torture me.

2) Realize that I’ve just done something horrible, and gather a rescue party to come save me from Flip the Otter. (Do those look like fangs to you? Do otters have fangs?)

3) Get me a scarf, some dark chocolate and a mango and try not to show me how hard you’re laughing.

I advise option three. Because then I get stuff.

Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in comments below, and I’ll be back next week to answer your questions.

The question bucket currently has: 2 questions


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