Gwendoogle Part XCVI – A Chicken, a Peacock, and an Alligator Walk into a Bar…

GwendoogleAnswers served with a lot more fauna than usual

Kate Kearney searched: When there is no path, what are the options for going ahead?
I’m going to assume that you’ve already looked for roads, trails, avenues, lanes, passages, routes, streets, tracks, boulevards, byways, grooves, and shortcuts.

Barring any of those, there’s only one option left: You’re going to have to follow your feet.

Face the direction that you mean to go. Point your toes toward it, and put your foot on the next solid piece of ground that you can see. Take the step, and let the rest of your body follow your feet. Repeat as necessary.

Neekers searched: Spin in a circle. Stop. What’s the first thing you see?
Tarzan trusting Clayton to give advice on how to get your Own True Love to stay with you forever, also known as making the worst decision of his life. Never trust a person who draws pictures of the ones you love as mindless and vicious beasts, even if you’ve always heard him use the same words as the people you trust. Words are easier to hear, but actions are harder to disguise.

(I guess I’ve just spilled my secret about watching children’s movies while I work. Whoops.)

Flip the Otter searched: What are two treasured holiday traditions?
These are the two coming up next for me:

1) On February second, watch Groundhog Day with Bill Murray, directly followed by as many television episodes as you can fit in that feature a character repeating the same day over and over and over again. Enjoy. Go to bed, trying to imagine what you might do with a thousand days in a row where you do not age, and nothing lasts from one day to the next.

2) On February 14th, smile at everyone because it’s a bad day for a lot of people, and sometimes a smile helps. Then go home and watch a movie with more explosions than is statistically likely in a two-hour period. Invite friends if they have nothing planned for that night. Share more smiles, and maybe some chocolate.

Kate Kearney searched: How would you define an evil overlord?
I would define it as a man or woman who was either born with or granted power over a large group of people, who purposefully performs actions which either directly or indirectly put the people she or he holds power over in harm’s way. To my mind this includes a person in power who determines that the ends justify the means when the means cause harm to a large number of people who had no say in the matter or who directly opposed his decision, and a person in power who manipulates a group into agreeing with his or her plan of action when they would have naturally opposed it.

At least, that’s what books have taught me.

Neekers searched: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Scholars and philosopher’s have been debating this for centuries, ever since the inventor of the road unknowingly dropped this great conundrum into our lives. It’s a tougher question than I know how to answer, with so many varied arguments that it seems better to let greater writers explain it to you:

Emily Dickinson: “Because it could not stop for death.”

Henry David Thoreau: “In order to live deliberately and to suck the marrow out of life.”

Robert Frost: “To reach the sidewalk less traveled by.”

Douglas Adams: “Forty-two.”

Mark Twain: “The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.”

Kate Kearney searched: What do you get when you mix a penguin and a peacock?
You get an arctic water bird who will never catch a fish, because it’s coloring makes it stand out like rose in the snow.

Or a forest bird that is trying to convince all the ladies that monochromatic is the new rainbow.

Or a punk rocker with technicolor-crazy hair stuck up however he pleases and a love of eyeliner, who looks darn good in a tuxedo.

Kate Kearney searched: What about an alligator and a porcupine?
You get a water predator who very patiently waits for fish to impale themselves on her spines.

Or a woodland wanderer with a tough skin and the jaw strength to convince everything bigger than her that they might want to find a new target.

Or a businesswoman who everyone knows not to mess with after just one look.

Neekers searched: What would you put in a hidden compartment made with Time Lord tech?
After an extensive look around my room, I think I’d put all my clothes in there.

Of all the necessary things that I own, they seem to take up the most space and I have the most problem deciding where they should all go. Time Lord tech would solve the space issue, and a hidden compartment seems as good a place as any. It’s not like they make good decorations.

I reserve the right to change my answer however, should I ever start a life of crime.

Ellie searched: If you could pick any actor to play a male Black Widow, who would you pick?
[makes a noise similar to an animal who has just been surprised by a really tasty piece of food dropped directly on their nose] Oh for goodness sake!

I don’t envy the casting directors at Marvel who had to decide which woman to cast as Black Widow. In fact, I imagine that they looked at the comic books and thought well, crap. And I’m thinking about the same thing.

Black Widow has become one of my favorite Avengers, probably because of how beautifully Scarlett Johansson has played her, particularly in the latest Captain America film. I have never read the comics (because I have a strange brain that doesn’t seem capable of jumping back and forth between pictures and words), but in the movies she comes across as capable, intelligent, ruthless, and loyal.

She is attentive and interested in all things because she doesn’t know when she will have to convince someone that she is something that she is not. She is a brilliant liar, who can be sweet or rough, vulnerable or guarded, flirtatious or serious, (or all six things at once) who can convince anyone of anything, and when discovered still not betray any of her reasons for lying. She is kind in all the ways that go unnoticed by anyone who doesn’t pay her specific attention, and willing to put herself in danger for someone beside her. She can kill you five different ways with her thumb.

And despite all of that, she is completely unintimidating on first glance.

Trying to think of an actor who can be all that is making my brain hurt.

I’m going to need some more time. Do you have any suggestions?

The Plain White Ts searched: If all you wanted was love, why did you use me up, cut me down, build a boat, and sail away?
I’m confused. I’m not a lumberjack and I’m not a shipwright. I haven’t cut down anything that I could build a boat out of.

Who is this? And how are you talking?

Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in comments below and I’ll be back next week to answer it.

The question bucket currently has: 29 questions


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s