Top Ten Things You Won’t Do When You Have the Flu

1. Participate in the Somersault Olympics. Or the Handstand Olympics. Or the Backflip, Cartwheel, or Jumping-Jack Olympics. Or any other Olympics, really…

2. Perform a one-woman rendition of Les Miserables alone in your room, singing into a hairbrush and jumping onto the furniture, complete with every dramatic death and Javier’s long fall.

3. Watch every food commercial on television and think, “Yeah, I want that. That looks delicious. Especially those gooey babyback ribs.”

4. Perfect your hula-hooping skills.

5. Run a timed marathon, come in third, and celebrate into the small hours of the morning with all your friends at whatever local establishment has the decency to stay open long enough. Midnight, after all, is only the beginning of the night for those who have just conquered the world.

6. Wait in line, on your feet, for two hours for your favorite roller coaster.

7. Ride your favorite roller coaster. With all those lefts, rights, ups, downs, switchbacks, and those twelve seconds when you’re hanging upside down.

8. Stay up later than your grandpa.

9. Decide that now, while you’re taking a couple of days off from work anyway, would be a great time to hop on a plane and take that vacation you’ve been dreaming about for the last couple months. Mexico is nice this time of year.

10. Think. Solve mathematical equations. Write blog posts. Propose a logical purpose for Stonehenge. Explain the architectural purpose of entasis in Greek columns. Use your brain at all.

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