(I spent two hours hoping this song would come on the radio today.)
Thoughts from the road:
1 – There is no such thing as a road trip that does not include a U-turn. This is one of the fixed laws of the universe, on the same level as what goes up must come down, every action has an equal and opposite reaction and you cannot fold a banana.
2 – Sweet Peas in Heaven, Tennessee is long.
3 – If I were a modern Titan, I would be Epimetheus, already one thousand miles into a road trip and wandering through a roadside gas station to find gadgets that actually make my other gadgets work properly.
4 – Is anyone in Arkansas missing a mattress? I found it. On I-40. In the middle of my lane. Let’s have a chat about leaving your things lying about.
5 – If that pillow in the backseat encroaches any farther on my rear window, I’m going to punch it. … Did I just threaten a pillow?
6 – I can drive. I can talk. I can drive and talk at the same time!
7 – I cannot drive and obsess over grammar at the same time. I cannot drive and obsess over grammar at the same time. I cannot drive and obsess over grammar at the same time.
8 – Ooooooooklahoma! Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains! (I will bet you five hundred dollars that nine out of every ten people who live in this state have mentally maimed Rogers and Hammerstein.)
9 – My father has decided to tell our future based on the following portents: the six hawks that were circling the false Parthenon, the meteor flash forty miles from Oklahoma City, and the empty movie theater at 7:35 on a Tuesday night in Nashville. Either augury is dead or it’s undead.