Gwendoogle Part CXXXVI – It’s Definitely a Bad Idea

GwendoogleAnswers served with a small dip into a fictional world

Kathryn searched: Are all your boats “she,” even the ones with female Captains?
My favorite thing about this question, is the out-of-context implication that I own boats. I wish, Kathryn, I wish…

I would like to say that I own a lot of fictional ships, but, if I took The Black Shepherd away from Brance, he would drive it into the nearest cliff face, just to hear the crunch. If I took The Red Water from Jennika, she would immediately ransom something horrible to get it back. If I took The Speedwell from Kadelyn, The Night Fire from Vardan, or The Sevrance from Rika… One of them would become a morose pile of humanity, one of them would turn other people into morose piles of viscera, and, miraculously, one of them would actually thank me.

On all these fictional boats, yes, all their captains call them “she.”

Because the ancient word for boat is naus, which is a feminine noun. It just makes linguistic sense.

NandiInInarasHouse searched: You have just accidentally ingested some radioactive vegetables. On your way to the hospital to see if you have developed any adverse effects, which superpower are you hoping you’ll develop?
First of all, I think I saw this episode of Gilligan’s Island.

Second of all, I like that I am rational enough to see a doctor about this problem. But I’m pretty sure my first reaction would be to figure out who gave me radioactive vegetables, and yell at them for a while.

Third of all, I’ll take something along the lines of invulnerability (regeneration, imperviousness, or anything else that means I won’t retain damage). Honestly, all the other options sound dangerous to me.

Kathryn searched: What’s the best thing about CA so far?
Standing in line at the grocery store and having a conversation with the man behind me about the sixteen pies he is about to purchase.

Which may not be specific to California, but it is seems normal here.

Kathryn searched: Worst?
The way that it’s actually cold, when I did not pack a plethora of warm clothing. I did not think through the whole desert thing.

KidBoxingGloves searched: Is there anything pink within ten feet of you?
[jumps as if someone just said there was a spider] Oh’m’gosh, where?!

Breena D. searched: Stick your right arm out. What’s the first thing you touch? Same with your left.
If I stick my right arm straight out from my shoulder, I will, in fact, touch nothing except atmosphere. If I lower my hand by about two feet, I will still touching nothing but air. If I lower it as far as I can, I will touch the footboard of the couch.

If I stick out my left arm, I will touch the back of the couch. Or the wall, if I move my hand about two inches higher.

You have now discovered that I am sitting sideways on a couch. Fascinating, I know.

Kathryn searched: Is my protagonist male or female?
Well, if you consider it carefully, I think you’ll find that she’s female.

Unless you consider it logically, in which case, you’ll find she’s female.

Unless you consider it thoroughly, in which case, she’s female.

Unless you consider it ideally, where it will turn out that she’s female.

I hope that clears things up.

Breena D. searched: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23 and give me the last complete sentence on the page.
“Tell me it’s a bad idea, Helen.”

Breena D. searched: If I had told you before you read it, that that sentence was supposed to describe your love life, what would your face have looked like when you looked up page 23?
Well, now, we’ll never know, will we?

But let’s imagine two fast blinks, and lips pressed together in resignation and grudging respect for clairvoyant books.

Kathryn searched: How soon do I need to get my presents shipped if I want them to find their way to, let’s say, CA in time for Christmas?
I’d say, within the next three days, by standard posting.

If you’re sending them by owl… well, the schedule seems very unclear, but I’m guessing you should send it about now to be kind to the poor bird.

If you’re sending them by road-tripping friend, you’ll have to talk it over with them. And live with the fact that the present is likely to arrive in a slightly more crumpled shape than when it began the journey, though it will have seen twenty-one of the fifty states. There may even be photographic evidence of all the statues that could hold your gift in one manner or another. (Hint: some of them have flat-ish heads.)

If you’re sending them by sleigh, you can ship them right up until the 24th. Actually, you can only ship them on the 24th.

If you’re sending them by the Pony Express, you should have sent them off by October 24, 1861.

Kathryn searched: Will my friends forgive me if their presents are late?
If the three wise men can show up with presents two years late, you can get away with it too.

JamesWilsonLives searched: What are you listening to right now?
That is an Apprentice Never Master State Secret, classified in order to defend authors from mortification.

Let’s just say that the song that is currently playing, has been playing, continuously, for the last hour, bringing the total number of plays up to something like a squadgillion.

Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in comments below and I’ll be back next week to answer it.

The question bucket currently has: 11 questions


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