Answers served with a Chewbacca cameo
Kathryn searched: My cat suckles blankets. Is that normal?
According to the internet, a large number of cats will suckle blankets or clothing, particularly if the fabric contains wool.
Some cat owners say that it may be a sign that your cat was taken from its mother too early, especially since it is very common in Siamese cats and other breeds who have longer nursing periods than usual.
Other people think that it’s a stress behavior, and your cat is trying to get back to its kitten comforts (the same way humans might suck their thumbs).
However, as the expert you chose to consult, I’d like to offer the theory that this is step one in your cat’s plan to dominate your household, your county, your country, and eventually the entire planet: It is winter. I believe that your cat is attempting to sneakily keep you from using any of your blankets, thus forcing you to snuggle with it instead. That way, you will form a bond with it, and it will be able to mind-control you later.
SoWhatImAWerewolf searched: Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do?
If you asked me to identify myself, I would probably tell you that I write too much, cover myself and my belongings in ink stains, read books like they can teach me how to breathe, obsess over stories that bite, speak dead languages because the syllables are still alive, hop in cars to get to the opposite sides of continents, hop on planes so that I can laugh in the same room with my friends, make messes, smile way too much…
There’s a lot of verbs in there, so I’ll go with human doing.
But, to be fair, Descartes started it with that whole cogito ergo sum thing.
Kathryn searched: Best food when I’m sick?
If you’re feeling nauseous, reach for the Ginger. Immediately.
Then get a big bowl of chicken soup. The veggies, broth, and meat will all help to keep your blood sugar up and level, which will cut down on the things your body has to regulate while it works on whatever cold or flu you’ve got. The warmth will help clear your congestion.
If your throat is sore, grab the honey as well. It’s soothing as it goes down, antimicrobial, and, oh, so sweet.
But, you should know, that I have a cold right now, and I’m eating Cheerios and Christmas pie.
SoWhatImAWerewolf searched: Are you a dog person or a cat person?
I turn into a big black jungle cat at every full moon.
Spreadincrazysmiles searched: If you had to pick one regret in life to fix, what would it be and why?
I would go back about a year and a half, and tell a certain person that NO, I don’t want her to explain the concept of The Human Centipede to me.
If you don’t know already, please, don’t look it up.
(This is, in all seriousness, the only thing I can think of undoing that I know for certain would improve things in the present. In all the other mistakes I’ve made, I’ve managed to pull out of them a little bit smarter, or a little bit kinder. I wouldn’t want to undo any of that, as I am still not as smart or kind as I would like.)
Kathryn searched: Best thing you’ve seen on the internet lately?
Chairbacca, hands down:
SoWhatImAWerewolf searched: What’s your Hogwarts house? Or… are you a Muggle?
Mr. Moony, I heard that note of disdain.
I might be a Muggle.
Or, I might be a Gryffindor with Ravenclaw tendencies, who sort of wishes she could be a Slytherin, because they are just slinky little monsters who get the job done.
What do you think?
Deanna T. searched: Will you play the great language game? http://www.greatlanguagegame.com
[five minutes later, returns wide-eyed and just a little shaky]
If I had already taken my shower this morning, I would have recorded this adventure for you. I’m sure my eyebrows climbed to new heights. I both feel as if I have been eavesdropping, and as if I have been doing it wrong.
The Great Language Game, folks, gives you a clip of someone speaking a foreign language, and asks you to determine what language it is. You can get three wrong before the game is over, and each correct answer is worth fifty points.
I scored 500 points, but apparently have no idea what Basque, Croatian, or Tongan sound like.
Have a question for Gwendoogle? Leave it in comments below and I’ll be back next week to answer it.
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