If I tell you that I’ve always wanted to be a book villain, I may sound a little crazy. But you’ve been here before, so it’s not like that’s saying anything new.
To begin: Choose 6 books (the original tag says to pick them at random, while Kathryn chose the last six books she read) and get out your ipod (or other music listening device). Prepare yourself.
Your new, villainous name: Every good villain needs a name that inspires awe and fear. Pick one of your six books at random. Flip it open and pick the first adjective you see. Then, look at your bookshelf and pick the first noun you see from all the covers. Put the adjective and noun together. That’s your name.
As much as I might like to use “graveside” as my adjective, by context, that’s a noun. Instead, I have to go with “little.”
A glance at my book shelves and I become…
… the Little Raven. (This smile on my face is the dictionary definition of ‘glee’.)
Your weapon or power: Finding the thing you use to vanquish your enemy and assert your dominance just might be the most important choice you make today. Pick a second book at random. Turn to page 66. Choose the 6th noun on the page. Regardless of how mundane that noun is, it’s now your weapon. But you can get creative in how you use it…
Johannes Cabal the Necromancer by Jonathan L. Howard:
I chose to skip all proper nouns (it hardly seems fair to say I use Dave as a weapon, or that I have The Power of Dave), the sixth noun is “body.” I choose to interpret that loosely, and say that I can control yours.
Don’t look at me like that. Someone did mention necromancy a moment ago.
Your weakness: Pick a third book at random, flip it open, and pick the first word ending in -ing that you see. This is your weakness, and how the hero will squash you. Maybe. If this is the sort of story where she manages that sort of thing.
A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, page 73:
I either need some ear plugs, or to steal a few voices. Which one sounds more villainous?
Your catchy, villainous theme song: Go to your iPod. Hit shuffle. Whichever song pops up first (no skipping!), this is your theme song. This is the prelude to your grand entrance.
I really enjoy this song, but I think it’s safe to say, we are still very deep in the woods.
Your right-hand man: Grab another random book. Turn to a random page. Pick the first name you see. This is the person who always has your back and follows up your threats with cheesy one liners:
Well, that’s fitting, I suppose. The Falcon (a wizard with bombastic magic) can follow around on the Little Raven’s heels. I’m not sure I can recall any one-liners with merit that he delivered, but he’s just conniving enough to be useful.
Your love interest: A black heart is still a heart. Even villains fall for someone. Pick another book at random and flip through the pages. The first name you find is your love interest.
Gemina by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff, page 463:
Nik smokes too much, sells illegal things to the wrong people and puts himself in danger from both sides, and flirts like a drunk sailor. What’s not to love?
A Hero Worth Fighting: Finally, prepare to meet your Arch Nemesis! Get one last random book, flip to a random page, and pick the first name you see! NOW FIGHT!
The Anatomy of Curiosity by Maggie Stiefvater, Tessa Gratton, and Brenna Yovanoff, page 50:
This is one of my top five books from last year, almost specifically because of Petra. She was lovely, flawed, intelligent, and – despite what this quote may lead you to believe – as non-violent as they come. She liked to read poetry to little old ladies, and take her adventures in the corners between adjectives and semicolons. She met monsters – who ate humans to stay alive – and sat in their living rooms, discussing eloquence and purpose.
I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy whatever fights Petra is going to pick with me.
And that probably says more about the kind of villain I’ve become than anything else in this tag.
In summary: I’m the Little Raven, and I have power over flesh and bone. I’ll steal your voice, if you scream too loud. I’m in love with a crook, and have a wizard at my beck and call. But my arch-nemesis and I have been debating the pejoration – and possible recent amelioration – of the word ‘silly’ for the last three hours.
Also, yes, we’re still in the woods.
I’m tagging you. Go achieve all your villainous dreams.